Solaris by Stanislaw Lem Joanna Kilmartin Steve Cox
Author:Stanislaw Lem, Joanna Kilmartin, Steve Cox [Stanislaw Lem, Joanna Kilmartin, Steve Cox]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Faber & Faber
Published: 2016-03-02T13:00:00+00:00
The Monsters
I woke up in the middle of the night to find the light on and Rheya crouched at the end of the bed, wrapped in a sheet, her shoulders shaking with silent tears. I called her name and asked her what was wrong, but she only curled up tighter.
Still half asleep, and barely emerged from the nightmare which had been tormenting me only a moment before, I pulled myself up to a sitting position and shielded my eyes against the glare to look at her. The trembling continued, and I stretched out my arms, but Rheya pushed me away and hid her face.
"Rheyaâ¦"
"Don't talk to me!"
"Rheya, what's the matter?"
I caught a glimpse of her tear-stained face, contorted with emotion. The big childish tears streamed down her face, glistened in the dimple above her chin and fell onto the sheets.
"You don't want me."
"What are you talking about?"
"I heardâ¦"
My jaw tightened: "Heard what? You don't understandâ¦"
"Yes I do. You said I wasn't Rheya. You wanted me to go, and I would, I really would ⦠but I can't. I don't know why. I've tried to go, but I couldn't do it. I'm such a coward."
"Come on nowâ¦" I put my arms round her and held her with all my strength. Nothing mattered to me except her: everything else was meaningless. I kissed her hands, talked, begged, excused myself and made promise after promise, saying that she had been having some silly, terrible dream. Gradually she grew calmer, and at last she stopped crying and her eyes glazed, like a woman walking in her sleep. She turned her face away from me.
"No," she said at last, "be quiet, don't talk like that. It's no good, you're not the same person any more." I started to protest, but she went on: "No, you don't want me. I knew it before, but I pretended not to notice. I thought perhaps I was imagining everything, but it was true ⦠you've changed. You're not being honest with me. You talk about dreams, but it was you who were dreaming, and it was to do with me. You spoke my name as if it repelled you. Why? Just tell me why."
"Rheya, my littleâ¦"
"I won't have you talking to me like that, do you hear? I won't let you. I'm not your little anything, I'm not a child. I'mâ¦"
She burst into tears and buried her face in the pillow. I got up. The ventilation hummed quietly. It was cold, and I pulled a dressing-gown over my shoulders before sitting next to her and taking her arm: "Listen to me, I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you the truth."
She pushed herself upright again. I could see the veins throbbing beneath the delicate skin of her neck. My jaw tightened once more. The air seemed to be colder still, and my head was completely empty.
"The truth?" she said. "Word of honor?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came. 'Word of honor' ⦠it was our special catch-phrase, our old way of making an unconditional promise.
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